2021.09.17 20:21 TheHarryWizerd You’re gonna see these mfs “venting” in storm drains
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2021.09.17 20:21 autobot_9000 @moonflowerluna_: RT @mabelsapron: hidden spots🍂 #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons #ACNH #AnimalCrossing #ACNHDesigns https://t.co/DqiPn2XOu6
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2021.09.17 20:21 ShadyRedd oMg wHitE tHemE
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2021.09.17 20:21 fiftieth-throwaway I [24f] am having trouble showing my true self around a guy [25m] I just started to date. But that's nothing new.
This ended up a rant. tldr is that I cant relax around this amazing guy ive just barely started to date.
A month ago I went to a party. When I walked in, I didn't even see the guy sitting on the couch in the corner. By the time I left I couldn't get him out of my head...
Fast forward to today, he got my number and taken me on one date. I didn't remember what he looked like, only that he was a computer nerd so I was blown away when I saw him and realized how hot he is. Getting to know him these past few days, he isn't perfect but he's very close. Honestly he is the kind of person I've been wishing for and never thought I'd find.
Here's the problem. I am a little bit insecure about myself, not to mention generally reserved. At the party, I was attracted to him because he barely said a few words but I could tell he was the "leader" of his group. everything that came out of his mouth was kind. I was in a somewhat rare mood then, very confident, very outgoing, and generally just not giving a f***. I dont drink/drugs so it wasn't that. It was just a mood that i sometimes get. Usually, im quite a serious person and have a long history of introversion though thats recently changed. But apparently, he was very observant about me at the party.
Anyway, I am really nervous about him. I die when I look at him, but I don't want to show it. so everything comes off kind of contrived. I just want to open up and be myself with him and show him who i am really am so we can either fall in love or i can rip this bandaid off as soon as possible. He is good at being open and hes so beautiful for that. When I am nervous I can get kind of mean/defensive. I also have trouble forming coherent sentences, nervous or not. I am intelligent, but not orally... I can write, I do excellently on tests, I am a pre-med student, I already have a bachelors degree, and I can even do well performing/speaking when I've prepared. But in social interactions, and especially when it comes to expressing myself, I am a failure. It sucks but ive accepted it about myself, and it was easy to kind of "get over" that bc ive been single nearly three years and i have plenty of friends (most, somewhat superficial but meh). But now that i found someone i really like, I want to show myself and I feel like I cant.
This next part is very hard to admit but thats why this is a throwaway, but I believe I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I always knew I felt a bit different from everyone, but never could figure out how. Ive been to therapy for anxiety and was diagnosed with it and have meds that i can take if i have a big event coming or something. but for the most part i feel ive defeated it or learned how to control it. I wont detail the disorder here, but the first time I read the true description I was shocked. I was reading myself. I looked up treatment and did the best i could on my own and noticed excellent improvements in the last two months. But still, I think its a part of who i am. for example, i was convinced i had anxiety bc i always felt nervous. but whenever i would go to therapy, the therapists would tell me to pretend i am with my best friend and use that level of comfort. but i am least comfortable around my closest friends and family. i never met anyone who felt the same. however, i am a woman and i have goals and ive learned to fake it, not caring if i never make it on the inside because i refuse to waste my life. so most of the time i do very well. I also do want connection, but realized long ago i dont need any partner or friend to be successful in life. I always frame this positively for myself because its my reality but I know deep down that it indicates something is wrong with me since humans evolved to cooperate with each other.
Back to topic. I really like this guy. I am working very hard right now, harder than I ever have in my life with three jobs as well as course work so that i can apply to the graduate program I need. My only goal in life is to do well so that I can provide for my family, give my children every opportunity they could ever dream, spoil my parents and sister, and give my husband a good life ( I want the stay-at-home dad type that will be content to be creative or do whatever career he wants because I am very particular and have an internal drive to make sure my family is okay and has everything they need[note, i never used to feel this way, but i dont want to trust i will meet a man who will give my future children everything i want them to have. once i realized this, i vowed to do it myself even though that isnt necessarily who i am] ). I would love to make enough money so that no one in my family has to work. With my career plans, dedication, discipline, and passion I think all that will be possible. I am proud of who I am in this regard! But it makes me want to cry that I sometimes cant do small talk, and the other little things in getting to know people. I mean, these days i am less beat up about it, I really dont care anymore what ppl think as I've learned enough skills to network, but it really matters to me with this guy. Or if it doesnt work out with him, whatever guy in the future that i fall in love with and want to be part of my life.
What if he cant see past my hard exterior? I know I have flaws, i have a lot of room to improve in working with others. but its not because im simply a b*tch, its because doing things my way has never let me down, never earned me less than an A, never failed to get me a promotion, never failed to earn me the next opportunity. Its just... my people skills are awful. just awful. imagine the work I put in to be where I am with this level of deficit? I just hope he can be attracted to who I really am.
Its probably easy to see why I struggle. I'm caught between being intensely proud of who I am, what I've done, what I will do, and how I will make life heaven for everyone that I love. versus feeling like a failure every day because I have never truly felt comfortable around anyone else, dont feel like i have a single genuine connection, and really mess up simple social interactions if im not practicing extreme focus.
Then there's this other part of myself which I just feel is locked away observing everything. the part of me thats like eh. life is pointless. do whatever. I used to not have any goal, then i realized i at least shouldnt waste this wonderful opportunity, though I dont truly understand what this thing called life is, and the least i can do is appreciate the suffering my ancestors went through and work hard so that my descendants can have the best life possible. Can a man love someone like me? I mean truly love that? Thats what my personality boils down to. its so hard to communicate that i am okay with this, i am okay with who i am and I love the resiliency and attitude ive developed (from being raised extremely religious, depressed 100% of the time, with zero self efficacy). I just feel like when he finally sees who I really am he will be disappointed and think im some empty shell of a human being. im crying right now writing this, its so hard to admit. But at the same time I have peace knowing that even in solitude, I can not only survive but appreciate the beauty of my existence. I already think its pointless but I still want someone to share it with. I think having no one else knowing about who you really are makes existence ten times more pointless. I mean zero times 10 is still zero but.
I often think about the poem The Old Astronomer to His Pupil by Sarah Williams and wonder will I have someone like this? When I'm feeling wistful and knowing that I've used just about all of my time will I have someone I love to leave my legacy? I know artificial insemination is an option and I will have enough money to afford it as I continue with my career track, but I want a family that I love and that im proud for building. Can someone like me build that? My primary caregivers worked so hard, but it was obvious that they were never able to show their true selves and I always thought i had trouble showing myself as a kid bc it was a learned behavior, but that id always be able to unlearn it. yet here i am for years still feeling like im living behind a glass wall. Do not feel sorry for me, I would never harm myself and I am happy with my life though I've been ranting this whole time. I just feel frustrated. I have always gotten what I wanted if I put in enough work, used enough discipline, waited enough time, did enough research, endured enough sleepless nights, denied myself enough times what I wanted in the moment. But it feels like nothing I do can help me with this. that is the demoralizing part. I am willing to do whatever it takes. but what do i have left to do?
One thing one of my old therapists used to say is that i always try to change myself. This has some truth, as I have corrected several things that were once central to who I was (depression, laziness, procrastination, infatuation with boys, short temper, poor hygiene, brattiness, entitlement, binge eating, neuroticism). But at the same time, I don't feel thats who I was. I feel like those were thingsI was struggling with, and each time I eliminated one I felt i was removing a barrier so who i really am could shine through. I feel the same way about this current struggle, my longest lasting battle. I know avoidant personality disorder occurs due to childhood experiences and yes I can point to what happened. But I have honestly moved past all that. I have a great relationship with my parents and family now and I have long understood that my own life depends on me alone.
I'm just.. I think my concerns are coming out more pronounced because I finally like someone, but these feelings are always lurking. They stay deep when I am alone, and now that I am here at this vulnerable point, not wanting to be rejected, wishing that he will be the one i might share my life with, I am worrying about them more frequently. to a degree, we are on the same page. on our date, he said he doesnt really want to date around anymore, and its just obvious that we both feel we found someone special even this early in our relationship.
If you read this you probably know me better than anyone else right now. thank you and happy friday.
submitted by fiftieth-throwaway to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 deanat78 What is stoicism's thoughts on the existential crisis?
I've recently struggled with it, and these thoughts are obviously as old as human kind -- I'm not the first to face them. So I'm seeking insights from wiser minds who have dedicated resources and time to thinking about this issue and want to learn how they faced these moments.
submitted by deanat78 to Stoicism [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 ducebiggz I applied back in 2018. Does this mean they’ll pick back up again or is it over?
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2021.09.17 20:21 Mang0Ric0 TriStar Pictures Intro (1984)
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2021.09.17 20:21 surgeimports Is this price manipulation? on 1s chart it shows that all transactions happened at one time at one price, smallest sell turns the bar red
2021.09.17 20:21 unkindle_gone Audio issues (not the usual ones)
Hello, I have audio issues with Apex lately I think is something about surround audio because when I turn 180° against the origin of the sound I almost can't hear it. On top of this sometimes the audio "cracks"
Someone can help me please
submitted by unkindle_gone to apexlegends [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 tofuninja5489 It took all night last night and this morning and a lot of video tutorial watching but I learned how to model in Fusion 360 and made a badge.
| And yes I know there is already a badge on thingiverse but I wanted to 1) make it myself and 2) make it a tad bit more accurate.|
So here's my shot.
Gonna sit with it for a day before seeing if I want more changes before uploading to thingiverse for anyone wanting to print it. I have a new resin printer that I'm going to try to use to print.
submitted by tofuninja5489 to PsychonautsGame [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 Tratos390 Ren'py - movies/video
I'm learning how to create a visual novel and I'm learning on my own step by step by focusing on what I need at the moment. Right now I have an issue and can't find a tutorial that explains it. Maybe it's a more advanced use of coding/ren'py what I need, but right now I'm asking in this forum to see any potential leads or at least being pointed in the right direction.
So I got this pretty basic lines but when and the issue is that: when I click while a video is playing for a brief second it shows the image prior this videos then it shows the second video, also happens when I click to go to the third video. What is the proper way to transition between videos in a smoothly manner? Thanks for your time reading and if I'm not explaining myself clearly I apologize.
submitted by Tratos390 to RenPy [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 Jumpy_Reply_2011 Joey and Ross share Rachel's green melon drink
One of my favourite interactions between Joey and Ross is in S08 E16, TOW Joey tells Rachel. It's so well-acted that I feel so much sympathy for both Joey and Ross.
I've noticed a bit of symbolism and foreshadowing in this episode. Am I the only one?
Ross reluctantly visits Joey at his apartment to tell him that their friendship is fine after Joey confessed to having feelings for Rachel the previous night. There's no beer, so Joey offers Ross the (green) melon drink that Rachel had left.
They take a sip of the drink. Joey doesn't like it. Ross does, but seeing the look of disgust for the taste of the drink on Joey's face, pretends not to like it, too.
Joey mentions that he doesn't know what to do because he hadn't been in love before. Ross is shocked that Joey's feelings are so strong, but advises Joey to tell Rachel, even if it means Joey raising his child.
They take another sip at the end of the conversation. Once again, Joey finds the drink revolting. Ross likes the drink, but again pretends not to like it.
submitted by Jumpy_Reply_2011 to howyoudoin [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 mikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [Lombardi] Brandon Aiyuk: "I've already started to understand in this league it's never really just a steady path to the top. You're gonna have really high moments and really low moments, but I think it's all about how you refocus, how you rebalance and get back on track afterwards…"
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2021.09.17 20:21 RobbyB02 Meteor 350
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2021.09.17 20:21 LegalSeaworthiness76 🐵 BNBApes - Stealth Launch - Very low marketcap - If u miss xrp apes this is the one for you easy 10000x from here
Recently I stumbled upon this project a few days ago and was wondering why no one is investing on it. Since I joined I've been a part of their Telegram group and its such a fun and lively community of APES! This is seriously a very undervalued project. Let me explain to you why!
I've had a hard time deciding to investing due to all scam coins and rug-pulls. I can't willingly put my money somewhere it could be taken away from me by some ill mannered people.
This is why BNBAPES is such a relief, because it is a decentralized protocol and there is no owner or team. There are volunteers in the community putting crazy hours on this, I think they don't even sleep ( LOL! ) to build out the project and the community.
This is the safest place I've ever seen because there was no ownership on the contract. Ever! This was made possible through a unique launch method where the contract was sent some BNB and then after that a community member launched it. It wasn't launched by the contract creator!
BNBAPES, ($BNBAPES) is an outsourcing service done the Defi way. With crypto integrated, we allow for anonymity and faster transactions than ever to get your most essential projects complete. Find creatives, managers, and more on our platform both new and experts in their field. Together with our tokenomics, holders will benefit by receiving BNB whenever a transaction takes place, meaning that every time a service is paid for, you get a small cut as well
Please just check it out you don't want to miss this opportunity. I promise you won't regret it!
Total Supply: 1,000,000,000
2% fee to liquidity pool
HOLDERS ALWAYS WIN
🐵 Contract Address: 0xb97744be758213c33bd6d2a375ef7cd0fef1504b
🐵 BUY HERE: https://pancakeswap.finance/swap?outputCurrency=0xb97744be758213c33bd6d2a375ef7cd0fef1504b
🐵 Renounced Ownership: https://bscscan.com/token/0xb97744be758213c33bd6d2a375ef7cd0fef1504b#readContract
🔒 100% LP LOCKED: https://deeplock.io/lock/0xc85b0169e641711637664b8d71318c0658f293d4
submitted by LegalSeaworthiness76 to SatoshiBets [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 mixerod Pewds variant
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2021.09.17 20:21 Steinfred-Everything easybank - unerwartet Kündigung erhalten
„Die easybank, eine Marke der BAWAG PSK passt ihr Produktportfolio den wirtschaftlichen Gegebenheiten an. Daher ist es erforderlich, die gesamte Geschäftsverbindung mit Ihnen gemäss Z23 (4) unserer AGB, unter Einhaltung einer 2-monatigen Kündigungsfrist per xxx zu kündigen.“
WTF? Das ist das Giro-Konto meiner Frau auf der sich über die letzten Monate ein mittlerer fünfstelliger Betrag angesammelt hat - also vermutlich dank Negativzinsen derzeit kein gutes Geschäft für die Bank. Mein eigenes Konto (auch immer im Plus) hat diese Nachricht nicht erhalten, kann also nix generelles sein. Bin ich der Einzige, dem heute aus dem Nichts heraus einfach gekündigt wurde? Was tun - welche Bank ist empfehlenswert wenn man alles online machen will und Geizhals ist? Dadat?
submitted by Steinfred-Everything to Austria [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 MR-livingston Looking for help with “visual studios code” in an ARM chrome book.
Hi, I was looking for some help. I've just started a computer science program and we're learning some of the basics of C# and I'm having some difficulty getting VS to work. I've made a simple Hello World program written in C# but when I try to run the program and look at the terminal output there's nothing there. I've installed the "C# for Visual Studio Code (powered by OmniSharp)" extension which said it included a debugger but it's giving me an error message saying "The C# extension for Visual Studio Code (powered by OmniSharp) is incompatible on Linux aarch64". I'm assuming that means the extension is incompatible with my Chromebook but I can't seem to find another debugging extension that is or another way to test my programs in the IDE.
This might not be the right place for this kind of question but any help/ direction would be appreciated. I'm just so confused I've been looking for an answer for the last couple of hours and can't find anything helpful.
submitted by MR-livingston to computer [link] [comments]
2021.09.17 20:21 CoolAnything3140 Oakville hospital covid test timing
2021.09.17 20:21 Daniele86 cartolina-aforisma-joseph-conrad-2
2021.09.17 20:21 eligajagah CUCUMBA lol
2021.09.17 20:21 Ga57redditot It sounds a bit cringe.
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2021.09.17 20:21 Standard-Bell6428 New bubbler for SOC Peak
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2021.09.17 20:21 KefkaMorphia My first battlestation! Proud of how it turned out after countless hours. Open for advice.
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2021.09.17 20:21 TheBeast_98 Issue with the miui 12.5.4